how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
