her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
