I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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