By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
