Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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