The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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