I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
