You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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