The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
