why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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