Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Boobs speak an international language.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
