I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
