Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
