I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
