listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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