You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
