Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
