She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
