My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
