I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
