Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
