he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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