Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
