Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
