first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
