i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
