ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
