but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
