my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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