Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
