My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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