oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
