I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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