come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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