So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
time to smoke my breakfast
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
