she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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