She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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