I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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