You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
