I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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