i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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