the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
