piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
