i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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