Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
