Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
