im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
