Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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