I want to have your abortion
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
