I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A+ Viking dick
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
