i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
