Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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