Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
