So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
