Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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