so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
