just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
