THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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