and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
