The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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