I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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