??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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