i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
