I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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